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Nothing At All  

4/23/2002  

I just wrote a letter to you, the kind that never gets sent. I know it's the kind of thing you wouldn't understand. You would ask, "what's the point in writing words that aren't going to be read?" You wouldn't understand the thoughts or feelings this letter contained. I wrote it right here as an entry in my diary. I gave it the title "Nothing At All".

I don't know why I chose that title. I didn't start out with any plan of what to say. I just figured that I would sit and write whatever came to mind. I talked about our history, the good and bad parts. I pointed out that your birthday is coming up in a few weeks. It will fall on a Wednesday. I questioned why I knew that. I cursed myself for being aware of that simple, meaningless little fact.


I wrote about all the little things that make me still think about you, even though I should have stopped that a long time ago. Despite the fact that you are not in my life, still you have a place in my thoughts. I haven't spoken with you in over a year, you would think by now I would have run out of things to say to you. You know me though, I always have something to say.


There are other guys that I have loved. There are other people who have broken my heart. Plenty of people have let me down in life. Still you are the one I reflect on the most. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you back. Those dreams of us died a long time ago. Still it would be a lie to say that...


I don't think about you.

I don't care about you.

I don't worry about you.

I don't miss you.

I don't love you.


So after all that has happened and despite the time that has passed... I still had a bunch of things to say to you. I wondered if it was because of what we once had? What I thought that we had? What I wanted us to have? Or was it our son? Is he the real reason? (来源:老牌的英语学习网站 http://www.EnglishCN.com)


Regardless... just as I finished the entry, at the same place it started (with the words "nothing at all") there was a momentary power outage. Yes, just as I was going to hit the save button, the power blinked and the letter was gone. I am going to consider that divine intervention. I got it all out of my system but now I don't ever have to go back and read all those things and wonder how I came to be so pathetic.

  
 
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