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Whatever Happened to Manners?
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By Linda Dano
From New Choices
Do you remember a time when people were a little nicer, a little softer, a little gentler with each other? I certainly do, and I feel that much of the world has somehow gotten away from that. Too often I see people rushing into elevators without giving those inside a chance to get off first, never saying thank you when others hold a door open for them, or please when they want a co-worker to hand them something, never giving a wave or nod of appreciation when another motorist lets them pull out into traffic. We get lazy, and in our laziness we think that something like a simple thank you doesn't really matter. But it can matter very much.
The fact is that no matter how nicely we dress, how beautifully we decorate our homes, or how lovely our dinner parties are, we can't be truly stylish without good manners. It's impossible. Genuine style and graciousness go hand in hand.
In fact, I think of good manners as a sort of hidden beauty secret. Haven't you noticed that the kindest, most generous people seem to keep getting prettier? They become Cary Grant or Lauren Bacall right before our eyes. It's funny how that happens, but it does.
Take the long-lost art of saying thank you. Like wearing a little lipstick or making sure your hair is neat, getting into the habit of saying thank you can make you feel better about yourself, and then you look better to everyone around you. A gracious manner not only sets an excellent example for your children and grandchildren but it adds priceless panache to your image. A grumpy, angry face makes even the most stylishly dressed person look downright ugly.
Positive Thanking
Of course, saying thank you does wonders for the person on the receiving end too. I recently got a thank-you note from a guest who attended a 40th birthday party that my husband Frank and I hosted for Frank's daughter-in-law. The note was lovely enough, but even lovelier was the fact that the guest had also included a recipe for a dish I'd complimented her on at an earlier gathering. It was a sweet gesture that made me feel terrific and put me in a great mood. What a gift! Many of us know we should write thank-you notes, but we think we don't have the time or energy. Now, I know we all have busy lives, but I bet the note my guest sent me didn't take long to write. (来源：英语杂志 http://www.EnglishCN.com)
If you feel like a heel because you've put off sending a card (the rule of thumb is to mail it within a few days), write a note that says, "I should have done this two weeks ago, but I didn't want to let another day go by without telling you how much I enjoyed your party." It's much better than not writing at all.
Magic Words
Just as powerful as a thank-you note is the simple phrase "excuse me." Don't you just hate it when someone knocks an enormous carry-on bag into your head when he's barreling down the aisle to board an airplane -- and then doesn't bother to say he's sorry? But when someone does stop and turn around and genuinely apologizes, doesn't it melt away most -- if not all -- of the irritation you felt?
Same for holding the door open for others when you see their hands are full. I'll even do this for a hotel bellman carrying my luggage. Just because his job is to carry my bags doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate a little gesture that makes his life a wee bit easier. I think we can all remember a time when we were juggling packages while people passed by and let the door slam in our face like they didn't even see us. It's awful!
And punctuality is not a thing of the past, either. Being on time for lunch dates, for example, shows the person we're meeting that we value his or her precious time as much as we do our own.
Bringing Manners Home
And for heaven's sake, we shouldn't forget to use good manners with our own families. That's where it counts the most because those are the people we love the most. It's like I always say, don't save the cloth napkins for company. Find ways to show you care every day. How lovely it would be to put a card on your spouse's pillow at night to say thank you for some dear thing he or she did for you or even just to say I love you.
Similarly, bringing home the most insignificant little presents for people you cherish will go a long way. It shows they're in your thoughts and you want to make them happy.
If you're a husband, how long has it been since you walked in the door with a rose for your wife? Or maybe her favorite candy -- even if it's just a Snickers bar? You'd sure get my attention if you brought me a Snickers!
I firmly believe spouses should be gracious about the routine things they expect each other to do. When your husband finally puts the cap back on the toothpaste, thank him for it. Thank him for taking out the garbage, even if it is his only chore. Thank your wife for washing the dishes or making dinner. Show that you don't take the other person for granted. He or she is much more likely to treat you the same way.
Good manners are infectious. Now, if we could just get everyone to catch them!
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